Friday, April 22, 2005

What I am today - pathetic

I use to strive to do everything to the best of my ability. When it matters the most, effort just does not equate to the results achieved. Not just mediocre, but downright bad. It seems every time I put in more, I get less. And the fall is always 100 times harder. Life became a drag.

Reached a point where I had enough! I just did what was required, nothing more, nothing less. Amazingly, the returns I got were better than usual. I have gotten use to such life, so much so I try not to do any extra.

I lost that part of me that was all about achieving the goals and more.
I lost the drive to look beyond the horizon.
I lost the ability to walk the extra mile.

I came into University with that mentality. People don’t believe the almost 10% effort I put into my studies, cause I seem to be able to maintain a decent grade. It got me thru pretty well until now. I am faced with the true fact of life.

I screwed up – real bad.

I look at myself; I am disappointed with myself, with what I have done with my life. Yet, time and time again I do nothing about it. This is a mark of how low I have gone, how lost I am. Pathetic!

I was talking to a good friend, she told me certain things that was pretty thought provoking.

You are afraid of not being able to achieve....It's really a pity...You really get away or u got away with yourself? Got away because you put in no effort or because standards were lowered?

Every time you smile away things, but there seem to be so much inside you.

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